Firstly, sorry there has been lack of postage on this blog lately. I feel like I haven’t stopped for five minutes to take a bit of time for myself, to look after myself and do the things I love the most; that being blogging and taking photographs.
I’m basically forcing myself to write this because let’s be honest my blog isn’t going to write itself, so granted this post might be a little all over the place.
I’ve been struggling recently, going back to college was good, it boosted my confidence however I feel like I have 0 time to myself these days. I feel a mass amount of pressure and worry. All I want to do is help people but in that process myself and my mental health is suffering; I’m currently in the process of working it all out in my head on how I can spare 5 minutes to myself to just shut off and recuperate.
I love being busy but sometimes it’s just great to be able to sit alone and not worry about talking to anyone, or lounge in bed watching crap with Stewart. It’s what we enjoy, it’s how we relax after a hard day. Silence is my best friend. It used to be my enemy but these days I can’t live without it. Over the past two weeks I’ve been helping my mum a lot, I’ve been putting my brother up whilst he is at college and looking after little man. Honestly I love it. I love spending time with my family and playing and acting really silly but I feel the impact of my usual routines not being in place. My brain doesn’t handle change very well, so dealing with this has been particularly difficult.
Don’t misunderstand me though, I love helping my mum. I can imagine how hard it is being a single mother, trying to make a better life for herself and her children, juggling a college timetable with that of her kids time tables at college and school and trying to get little man looked after, which I offered to do cause he is such a little pleasure to spend time with and be around.
I’ve learnt a lot over the past two weeks, 1 there is no way me and Stewart can afford to have a child any time soon. It’s not easy or cheap looking after three people. It might be slightly different but it has the same concept. I got my student loan about a week ago and I have only enough to get me my books for college and that is it. I’m not going to go into the whole financial struggles we’ve had in the last few months but at least the debt has gone from keeping us afloat. Just roll on payday so we can get some food shopping.
Asides from that the past two weeks have been a blur, all I can really recall is stressing and paying bills and that’s how I know I’ve been in a tough place mentally because I’m pretty sure more has happened than just that.
As I am writing this (Saturday 23rd Sept 2017) I am feeling a bit more happier, enjoying the silence in my house whilst in a gorgeous hot bubble bath. Trying to not think about the week ahead. I am adamant that this weekend I’m just going to relax and take time for me. Refreshing myself for the week ahead if you like. I’m going to take a nice walk at some point, take some photographs, blog, clean my home and just chill out.
Hope you’re all well and hopefully soon I shall be back up and running my blog appropriately.
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